Feeling Betrayed

Facing our challenges head-on!Challenges Women Face

March 15, 2016

Dear Julie:

I’ve never done anything like this before but I’m so lost and I need help. This does get personal but I have no where else to turn. My partner and I. We’ve been through heaven and hell together. I’ve never once been disloyal to him. He’s never gone out and done a physical act of cheating on me but there were times I caught him flirting with other girls ( it’s been a while now) I finally trusted him 100% again. (We do have a 2 year old daughter) then the other day I went to borrow his phone to look up something on the Internet. His browsing history popped up.

Porn. Site after site of porn. My heart broke. To me this was a new level of low. I did speak to him about it, but he doesn’t see the wrong in it. I feel betrayed. I feel like I’m not good enough for him. That I don’t meet his needs. I feel like he cheated emotionally. To me, that was lusting for another female. I need help sorting through these feelings. I can’t look at myself in the mirror now and I find myself hiding my body from him. I find myself feeling my body isn’t worthy enough anymore. Those females are perfect then there’s me in all my scars, stretch marks, and imperfections. Did he cross a line? Am I Wrong for feeling this way? Did he take a short step towards cheating without actually physically doing so? How do I build up from this? –Feeling Betrayed


Dear Feeling Betrayed:

You feel betrayed because in a very real sense you were. You’re not alone. People everywhere are struggling with this very issue.

Men (and an increasing number of women) are falling prey to pornographic images. Some of them began this journey when they were little and found copies of men’s magazines under their dad’s mattress. Others have fallen victim innocently enough over the internet. Like alcohol, pornography can become an addiction and some people just can’t handle it. It’s rough on them and it’s rough on their loved ones who, like you, feel betrayed.

I did an internet search for “Christian-based Help for addiction to pornography” and a number of helpful sites popped up. Check into these and get some understanding of the problem before addressing your friend. Then calmly let him know how you feel, and insist he get help.

And VERY IMPORTANT . . . refuse to let this diminish your self image and self respect. You are a lovely person, with the scars and stretch marks–badges of honor–as proof you had a beautiful two year-old daughter.

God bless you,


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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