Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

May 24, 2016

Dear Julie:

My husband and I were married for 15 years and built a successful family-run business. We were 2 families put together. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but we were happy. Then a few years ago we had several tragedies within weeks of each other. We lost a grandchild and a grown child. We both fell apart in different ways. I shut down completely, he turned to other women, drugs and alcohol.

Then finally left me. Tore our entire family apart. Now my kids hate him and his kids hate me. Our business is gone, along with all the money. We got divorced, the judge gave everything that was left to me, not that there was much left!

Now with no money, all the other women have left him. I still love this man very much. We were not Christians at the time I have since come to know God. I want him to come home, he has nothing left no job, no home, nothing!

My kids say if I take him back, they will disown me. He says he loves me and will come home “IF” I agree to sign half of everything that is left back to him. I’m afraid he is just playing me and if I do, that he will just take it and leave again. It’s hard to trust him! Plus I do not want to lose my children!

I have prayed and prayed and just don’t know what God wants me to do. He is also still using drugs. Any advice would be appreciated!!! -Torn
Dear Torn:

Your story is heartbreaking. But since you can’t do anything about the past, let’s concentrate on the future.

You love your ex-husband but are finding it difficult to trust him. You have, in the meantime, become a Christian and have the Holy Spirit to guide you in all wisdom. I would say to listen very closely to His promptings and not to rush headlong into anything.

Your husband says he will come back IF you do such and so. That doesn’t sound like love to me.

Your children say they will disown you IF you go back to him. That doesn’t sound like love to me either.

Sounds like people are trying to manipulate you in this now hate-filled family.

I wonder if you could get your pastor or a Christian counselor that he might recommend to assemble the whole family and talk through the entire issue. Let everyone have their say. Let them mourn over all that’s happened. Let them spew out their anger, get it out of their system, and then let you have the floor.

Tell them you love them. Even more importantly you love the LORD. And you believe He is not pleased with all that hatred that divides the family even more than the tragedies did. Tell them you seek peace, with each of them, and them with each other. As scripture says, “A house divided against itself cannot stand” (Mark 3).

Remind them that you have a right to live your life as you see fit, that you have a right to want to restore your marriage without them threatening to disown you.

Remind your ex-husband that, even though you still love him and would welcome him back, you have a right to be treated with respect. If he wants to return, it has to be without him imposing conditions. It’s important that you advise him that you are now a Christian and your standards are different than they were before.

This whole situation is going to require a whole lot of give and take and a lot of grace on your part. Draw on the LORD for comfort and wisdom. I wish you all the best. Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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