Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

October 13, 2017

Dear Julie:

I’m eight months pregnant with my second child. I’m expecting a baby girl and I know she is such a blessing. However, I’m been dealing with some serious depression and anxiety. It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy for me. My baby is developing healthy but I’ve been suffering through this entire pregnancy with hyperemesis gravardium and severe back pain as well.

My depression stems from being inappropriately touched by my stepdad and one of my mom’s friends as well when I was 14 years old. I confided in my cousin who I was close with at the time, and he didn’t believe me. So I never told my mom or anyone else. Not even my husband knows really. Having a girl has made me anxious.

My mom and stepdad are still married and recently my feelings about what happened have made me angry and difficult to be around. My mom isn’t understanding where all this animosity is coming from. I should mention my stepdad has a severe drinking problem along with gambling. My mom has wanted to divorce him for her own reasons but hasn’t. Probably won’t either.

I guess my question to you is should I tell my mom what happened to me even though it was almost twenty years ago? I’m afraid she’ll be angry with me and accuse me of trying to destroy her already fragile marriage? That’s why I’ve kept this secret to avoid tearing my family apart. I’m really scared. Should I just take this to the grave with me like I planned. My mom was also molested by her father and cousin and I know if I choose to come forward with this, it would destroy her. I need help. Thanks for your time once again. –Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

I believe you’re right about why your feelings are surfacing at this time. You want to protect your daughter from the generational problems of your family–sex abuse. She must be your chief concern and you must do whatever you need to do to protect her.

That said, there are steps you can take.
1. Pray for wisdom. (James 1:5)
2. Pray that God will break the cycle of sin that is present in your family. (Exodus 20:5; Leviticus 26:40-42). Confess the sins of your family and any sins of your own. Then trust God to do what needs to be done.
3. Maybe He will prompt you to tell your mother.Since she is wondering about your animosity, for the sake of your daughter you may need to tell her. Be sure to pray for the right time, the right frame of mind, the right tone in your voice. In other words, speak the truth in love.
4. You are not responsible for her response to you, but you are responsible for honoring your mother and for saying what God leads you to say.
5. Be sure your mother knows that you are sharing this now only because you have a daughter of your own to protect. You have no desire to destroy her or her “already fragile marriage.”
6. She may surprise you and be heartbroken that you didn’t tell her years ago because she’d have wanted to protect you just as you want to protect your daughter.
Regardless of her reaction, you will have done the right thing. Sometimes it feels like we’re trapped into accepting ugly situations. But when we lean on the Lord and ask for His wisdom and for proper motives, He helps us do the right thing. Blessings, Julie

Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your name or any other identifying information.

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