Children of Divorce

Facing Our Challenges Head-On!

October 13, 2015

Dear Julie: I recently moved in with my mom after living with my dad for about five years. I’ve always wanted to live with my mom but never got the chance until now. But now that I’m living with my mom, it seems like my dad has nothing to do with me, or doesn’t care anymore. We even fuss about me having a phone, because he thinks 14 is too young. I want a relationship with him, but I don’t know what to do. If you could, would you please help me? Thanks, Clueless


Dear Clueless: Oh sweet one, I’m sorry you find yourself caught in the middle between your parents. Often, in divorce situations, children bear the brunt of one parent’s resentment against the other parent–each certain he/she can do a better job of caring for the child.

Please KNOW that their divorce was a falling out between THEM. This had nothing to do with you. It was not your fault, and I’m sure they both love you very much, just as you love both of them. You probably miss your father and may even feel some guilt for leaving him to live with your mom. At the same time, in his disappointment and loss of control, he may be unconsciously putting up a wall between you.

The phone is a case in point. Am I right in guessing your mom is okay with the phone and your dad isn’t? How did they handle similar situations when you were living with your dad? Did your dad make all the decisions regarding your care? Or did they work together? Ideally they would work together and be of one mind. But if not, then it would seem the parent who has custody would be the one to approve the phone.

Maybe you could talk with your dad. Find out what his objections are and assure him that you will NOT spend all your time on the phone, you will NOT enter chat rooms or make dates over the phone with strangers. You will NOT disobey the rules that your mother and he agree to. Tell him you love him and want to continue having a relationship with him even though you no longer live with him. Maybe that’s all he wants, dear one, just the reassurance that you still love him and that you’ll be okay.

I’d encourage you to pray asking your heavenly Father to help the three of you find peaceful solutions to the problems you face. Remember He is all powerful and He loves all three of you.

If you don’t mind, keep me posted. I’ll be praying for you.


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,
we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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