Hurting but Trusting in God

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

January 23, 2017

Hi Julie:

I’m married but me and my spouse are separated. Of course God told me he’s my husband, but I’m beginning to lose hope and faith because my husband sees things different. He doesn’t love me, but I feel it’s because he doesn’t know how or have the time to love. All he does is work.  He ended up having knee problems to where the doctors told him he couldn’t go back to work.

I believe God’s been trying to slow him down but he still insists on going to work and doing for others. But he doesn’t see fit to do for me. All I do is pray pray pray but I feel so abandoned, been feeling abandoned my whole life. I don’t understand why my husband is the way he is. He feels like his life only revolves around work and running to meet everyone else’s needs.

Sometimes he turns away my prayers and brings up my past. He never really forgave me, but despite all the hurt he’s doing to me, I still have mercy and have a heart to pray for him and try to go around him. We even started going to different churches, but why is it that I can forgive and move past his rejections and still have a heart to care love and pray for him but he doesn’t seem to do the same for me? I’m hurting, trusting in God because I believe he’s working a miracle for a great testimony for his glory. —Hurting but Trusting in God

Dear Hurting but Trusting:

Men and women are different. We’re made differently. We look at life differently. God made us this way. So don’t try to compare his reactions with yours. I would encourage you to get a book by Poppy Smith called “Why Can’t He Be More Like Me?

That said, a husband is to love his wife. See Ephesians 5:25-33 and I Peter 3:7-9.) Do you feel there’s any hope for your marriage? Does he? If he believes there’s no hope and he won’t agree to go to counseling, then I don’t see how you can bring him back into a loving relationship.

Would he be willing to get Christian marriage counseling? You say he never really forgave you, but you don’t mention what you did. Is it possible he continues to bring this up because you haven’t dealt with it together? Have you asked for his forgiveness? If you have, did he accept your apology? God’s forgiveness looks like this: “When we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9) Is your husband a believer? If so, then he should try to act like God and forgive . . . and NOT keep bringing it up. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he [God] removed our transgressions from us.”

I’m not suggesting you initiate divorce proceedings but am suggesting that he may do so, and there won’t be anything you can do to stop him. For now, I’d suggest you continue to pray for him and to wait on God to do what you cannot do—to convict your husband of sin, righteousness, and judgment (John 16:8)—and to bring him to repentance.

Blessings, Julie

Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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