Lonely and Depressed

“Comfort ye, comfort ye my people,” (Isaiah 40:1)

December 15, 2017

Dear Julie:

My husband recently left me because I was too hard on him about his old habits coming back. I love my husband but I want him to be the man I married not the man he chose to be. He is verbally abusive and, to me, that’s worse than physical abuse. Torn, what should I do? –Lonely and Depressed

Dear Lonely and Depressed:

I agree with you–as with every other kind of abuse, verbal abuse is unacceptable.

Now as far as your initial problem, his “old habits,” is concerned, women have a tendency to take on a mother’s role with husbands and become “too hard on them about their old habits coming back.” I’ve done that, too. When you come right down to it, we begin to nag. Nagging (even about a good thing) does not show respect to our husbands (Ephesians 5:33) and some men strike back in unloving and unacceptable ways, verbally and physically.

Since you love your husband, why don’t you try backing off about his bad habits and see if it makes a difference in your relationship. (He knows how you feel about them.) Instead, why not praise the good things he does and, hopefully, he’ll respond more positively, making some changes of his own accord. If he changes, great! If he doesn’t, you have to remember he’s a grown man and you can’t make him change. You have to pick your battles and decide whether you can live with his old habits or not.

May God bless you,


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, contact me here (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your name or any other identifying information.

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