Lost & Confused in Florida

 Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

April 19, 2016

Dear Julie:

A lot has been going on in my life. In 2011 I went to prison because I was accused of child abuse. I didn’t do it but was charged because I left my daughter with the person who did do it. Not knowing he was going to hurt her.

I’m writing you now because my husband and I want to start a family and have another child. I lost both of my daughters when I went to prison. They were adopted by two of my friends, a pastor and his wife. While I am not able to talk with my daughters, I am able to talk with their adoptive mother. She was there for me while I was incarcerated and has been since I’ve been out.

Now my husband wants to have a child and so do I. However, I feel like when my daughters get older they may resent me for having another child and raising it. While I wasn’t able to with them. Also if I were to have another child, I wouldn’t trust anyone to watch him/her because of what I have went through. What do I tell my daughters when they get older of they come to resent me and the decisions I chose for them. I feel like I did the best thing for them.

I’m asking for help. I love and trust my husband of half a year. (We have been together a year now.) He knows about my past and about my concerns. He just doesn’t agree. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I just trust and believe that no one would do that to another child of mine? Please help am so lost and confused right now. -Lost and Confused in Florida

Dear Lost and Confused in Florida:

Your story is heartbreaking and I can understand why you wrestle with these questions. First off, you have to understand that your heavenly Father understands that you made the best decision you could for your daughters. You had their well-being in mind and you proved that by placing them with two people you trusted.

For now you can continue to pray that the girls will be brought up in the love of the Lord. One day–depending on the arrangements you made at the time of the adoption–you and the girls will meet. You are concerned they will be bitter because you weren’t able to care for them. Since you trust the adoptive mother, express these concerns to her. Ask her to assure them that you loved them, enough to provide for their future though it broke your heart to give them up.

I believe she’ll honor that request. As an adoptive mother myself, I wanted my daughter to KNOW that she was loved! Her biological mother only gave her up as a last resort when she knew it was best for her baby.

Now you need to move on with your life. Your husband sounds like a very good man with a very legitimate desire–to have a child. And you want one, too. So, put aside your fears of what MIGHT happen and trust God to give you one day at a time and the wisdom to know who you can and cannot trust.

I believe you’ll be a fabulous mother and, with God’s help, a more discerning person. Likely, you’ll never have a repeat of the circumstances that got you in trouble before. Just keep trusting God and living for Him. I wish you all the very best. Julie

Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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