Needing Separation

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Challenges Women Face

September 20, 2016

Dear Julie:

First and foremost. I want to thank you for your wisdom and positive advice for us ladies. Well where do I begin? I’m a married woman with 3 beautiful babies that God blessed me with. I’m a Christian and a hard worker. My daily life is church, my babies, and work. The problem is my husband.

I met him when i was 16 and he was 23. We have been together for 12 years. His addiction is  basically alcohol, but I know he does other drugs too. When he is impaired or under the influence, he mentally abuses me, and in return we physically fight, often in front of our kids. I’m the main provider, I pay all the bills and he don’t bring any money into our home. I believed a man is supposed to be the head and somehow I ended up being the one who does everything. All I ask him to do is take care of my babies when I’m at work and he has them, but I know he also neglects them because my 8 year old daughter takes care of her 1 year old brother and 4 year old sister when he passes out and she can’t wake him up. I do love him and he has a good heart, but when he’s intoxicated he’s not the man that puts our family first.

I need a separation, because there is no peace and our marriage is toxic, for not only me but our kids. I believe he will not sign the separation because he believe till death do us part. I don’t know what to do and how to go about getting out of this situation. I own my home, and when I ask him to leave, he will not. I do want my marriage to survive, but I know my kids deserve peace and better.

Please pray that God removes me from this situation. I always pray for change and I trust God will do it, but I don’t know what to do. If he gets help with his addiction, I’m willing to make things work. But since he will not, I know I have to take me and my kids and go. I pray if or when I file for separation he will change for our family. Thank you so much for reading this and please pray for me and my family. –Needing Separation


Dear Needing Separation:

I’ll pray that God will heal your husband so he can become the husband you want him to be and that he would want to be if he were in his right mind.

I think you’re right about needing time apart. A legal separation could give you both the distance and peace you need to decide what’s important to you. It’s clear to me you know what you and your children need but your husband is not thinking correctly.

If he wants “till death do us part”, then he has to wake up and perform the vows he took when you married. He has to man up and take responsibility for his family. He has to care for the children in your absence, or you could end up losing them to CSD for parental neglect.

There must be ways you can obtain a legal separation without his signature. Perhaps a restraining order for now. (Readers, can you help us here?) And, by the way, if your home is in your name, then I believe in most states the courts can make him leave whether he wants to or not. It is not good for you to put up with mental abuse and, even worse, your children’s safety is at stake. Get them out of this toxic environment.

When (and if) your husband comes around and is truly repentant, then I advise you to get Christian marital counseling before allowing him to move back in. Also, there are excellent organizations for family members of alcoholics and drug addicts. You would do well to attend some meetings to help you learn to deal with your husband when he’s not at his best.

God bless you. I wish you and your family all the very best. Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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