Sick, Tired, & Confused

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

June 17, 2016

Good Day Julie:

I have been in a relationship with a leader of the church we attend for 1 year. During this time he has broken up with me 6 times-due to accusations of me cheating on him and not wanting him. He is 17 years my senior. These issues surface whenever I don’t summit to his wants. His actions tend to show many signs of insecurity and selfishness. I have tried talking to him about this matter as well as other problems that arise within our relationship, even suggested counseling. I have also stated to/showed him on many occasions that I am not cheating. I have never cheated in any relationship. I tell him I love him. But it’s not enough.

He is a widow and has grown sons-30 and 45 which he is still taking care of. He is retired. I work full time, take care of my family which consist of my 90 year old father and 2 teenage sons. He’s not great on any romance level, yet I stay. In the 1st month of us getting to know each other, we talked about everything under the sun to address each other’s desires, wants, feelings and expectations (at least I did). He stated there were no limits on our relationship. We both agreed to get to know each other completely

Within 4 months he became ill and had to go into hospital, it is at this time that he told me he loved me. I stayed right by his side; along with taking care of my obligations to my job and family. He became sick another time, I repeated my actions of being there. I had 2 major losses in my family, he was by my side. He has started talking about wanting to move out on his own and leave his sons to become responsible for themselves. I think he thought I was going to invite him to move into my home. I did not, because I am trying to set an example for my sons and I respect myself and him. I am somewhat hurt by his actions of breaking up with me yet again, but more so feel bad for him because of his selfishness.

My family loves him and welcomes him with open arms, likewise his family loves me. However he often asks why his family likes me so much, at times more than him. My other concern is he’s not giving me everything to be happy so why does he think that if I say no to him for some of the things he wants, I don’t love him. And, I don’t get home from work until 7 pm-I leave for work 8 am, why should he come over and want to stay until 12a. That’s not fair to me or my family. He wants to eat dinner (which I have to cook) at my home every evening. This is a no no. Lastly, he does whatever all day because he is retired, he knows I’m at work; I ask how was your day or what did you do today-this is a problem. But, when he asked me and I reply, he cuts me off and focuses on himself. God forbid if an emergency comes up with my Father or sons and we had plans, I get accused again. My elders taught me that if a person accuses you of untruths, it is probably because they are out doing just what they are accusing you of. They are users. Please forgive me for the lengthiness and organization of this letter. I really needed to release. Through all of this, why do I still love and care? I pray and pray for release, deliverance and to go forward. –Sick, Tired, and Confused


Dear Sick, Tired, and Confused:

Thank you for writing to me. I respect your love and loyalty to someone, but it seems to me this man is so unworthy of you on just about every level that you would do well to examine your commitment to him.

As a leader in your church, he has exercised poor judgment:
1) in rushing into a relationship with you,
2) falsely accusing you
3) taking advantage of your good nature (imposing on your time and family without offering much in return
4) in allowing his grown children to take advantage of him
5) I could go on but this is enough!!!

You are a responsible and caring person with a lot on your plate already. I would suggest this man is not pulling his weight and you would do well to move on.

God bless you, dear one. Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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