So Confused

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

May 12, 2017

Dear Julie:

My husband and I have been together since 2007 but it was a constant struggle with him. His desires came before mine so I left. We were separated and had been with other people and tried to remain friends. We always said that we’d file for a divorce but never did. This last May he came back saying he knows what he wants and that would be me but he wouldn’t be intimate with me and I felt something was way off and he told me that he wasn’t in love with me so again it’s a struggle.

I love him but I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t love me back. Currently he’s sleeping in a separate room saying he’s saving money to move out but all I see is him spending it. My heart wants him to want me but I’m not sure that that’s going to happen from his past actions. I’m so confused. I know God hates divorce but would he want me to stay in this?

–So Confused


Dear So Confused:

Yes, God hates divorce.

But let me tell you what He also doesn’t like. He doesn’t like spouses to “defraud” their mate (I Corinthians 7:2-5). “Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
The decision for a married couple to refrain from sex should be “by mutual consent for a time” for the purpose of devoting yourselves to prayer. It doesn’t sound like this is the case in your situation.

Here’s another thing God doesn’t like–men who disrespect their wives.
I Peter 3:7. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect . . . . so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Did you hear that? God won’t even answer your husband’s prayers the way he is acting toward you.

Giving your husband the benefit of the doubt, does he have a physical problem? Incurable sexually-transmitted disease from past relationships that he doesn’t want to pass on to you? Erectile dysfunction? ED is a sensitive issue to men. I love that you continue to love him. That says a lot about you, but I wish your husband would show you a fraction of the love you offer him. Instead, he’s taking advantage of your love, mooching off you, and spending his money in other ways. He is living with you, but his heart is elsewhere.

Praying that God will give you the wisdom and grace to do what is best in this situation.

God bless you, Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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