Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

May 20, 2016

Dear Julie:

Hello, I am currently nearing the end of my pregnancy with someone I am not in a relationship with. We have been friends for almost three years, and he is the only person I have ever been with. I thought that was a sure way to not end up in the situation that I am now. We used to be really good friends and I really did love him! At one point he even said that he would marry me (before we knew I was pregnant).

After we found out that I was pregnant he changed completely. Our relationship was no longer the way that it used to be. In the beginning he wanted me to have an abortion, to which I said no. Shortly after, he accepted the fact and although things weren’t easy, with lots of prayer things were getting better.

Things are now rocky again because we have a lot of disagreements. We are complete opposites. He feels the need to always be in control, and that he is always right. I could do everything that he wants, but the second I don’t do something I’m the worst person and don’t involve him in anything.

He is going to be involved in our child’s life, and I know that he will be a good father. However, it is going to be long distance as we live in different states, and although he wants me to move, I do not feel comfortable moving right now for various reasons. Am I wrong or being a horrible mother for not moving?

Also, I pray for him and our relationship and his salvation all of the time. I just want us to get along for the sake of our child. As a Christian woman Should I be praying that he and I make things work? I know that we will never work as long as he is not saved.
Any advice? -Soon to be mommy


Dear Soon-to-be Mommy:

First off, I applaud you for your decision to carry your baby to term. It’s obvious you love your child very much and want to do everything to ensure he’ll have a relationship with both of his parents.

That said, I’d ask you to consider your relationship with your friend. As you said, you are not currently in a relationship with him and, honestly, I find that a good thing. Why? Because there are too many red flags.

#1 He is not a believer. As you know, scripture says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” There’s good reason for that. In marriage two people become one and that involves a joining of the physical, emotional, and spiritual. The things you care most about spiritually will not resonate with him, and may even result in much unpleasantness. You know this already because you said: “As a Christian woman Should I be praying that he and I make things work? I know that we will never work as long as he is not saved.” Unless and until he gets saved, I would NOT continue this relationship.

#2 He is already a controlling person. To what degree will he become domineering and even abusive, particularly if he feels trapped because of the baby.

#3 He wants you to move, leaving behind all you know, without any commitment on his part. If he wants you to join him, then let’s see that wedding ring on your finger and his promise to love you till death do you part and to care for you as his own body (Ephesians 5:25).

Dear one, your baby will soon be born. I advise you to focus on that precious child and bring him/her into a peaceful environment of love and joy. Whether or not the baby’s father wants to have an active role in bringing up his child is his choice. But be sure that you set the guidelines and parameters and don’t let him bully you or the child. May God bless you with a safe delivery and much joy as you hold your little one in your arms.

Praying for you and asking our readers to uphold you in prayer as well. Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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