Struggling, Stressed, and Tired

 Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

July 15, 2016

Dear Julie:

I decided I would date outside of what I was accustomed too, figuring just maybe I’d find true love. Well I met a guy, beautiful smile, gainfully employed, loved my son, and was very attentive.

The problem is when he started taking care of me, he let himself go. He’s like 100 plus pounds over the weight he was when I met him. He cares nothing about grooming and is very sloppy at best. He’s lazy and nasty about a lot of things. I’m completely turned off. I’ve gone from super freak to nun and I do not desire him at all. He repulses me. I love him but not in love with him. I desire someone I crave and nothing about him makes me react that way.

He’s been unemployed for almost a year and I’m financially responsible for everything. I truly believe a man should provide and I don’t care if it’s from pizza delivery to janitorial. If he desires a family, he should provide for one. But in his defense, he does some cleaning, he’s trying to learn to cook, he caters to my emotional needs, every one. And he’s been the only father my disabled son knows and loves.

I don’t want to carry this family, I can’t afford it and it’s not my position. My husband isn’t disabled or incapable, he’s lazy. I’m stressed and I’m tired. I just want to build something wonderful with someone who desires to build with me. Not a tag along that will enjoy the fruits of my labor.–Struggling, Stressed and Tired.


Dear Struggling, Stressed, and Tired:

Maybe you should try looking at things from another perspective. I don’t know what types of men you used to date, but you said you wanted to try something different in hopes of finding true love. And it sounds like you struck a goldmine.

Your fellow has many qualities any woman would appreciate, the best one being that he loves your disabled son. Also, he is attentive to you and caters to every one of your emotional needs. He cleans and is trying to learn to cook. It sounds to me like he is providing for you and your son in many ways.

In addition you want him to go out and get a job. Let’s say he does go back to his gainful employment, would you then stay home and do all that he does? If so, sit down calmly and communicate these things to him. Talk things over. Get his take on all of this. Get counseling. There may be some reason this fellow went from charming to alarming since he started “taking care of” you.

Thank you for writing and I prayerfully hope you can work this out with your husband. Work out your roles. No one can do it all and many couples have found that, for them, it’s okay to switch traditional roles.

God bless, Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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