Wanting to Grow

 Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

April 12, 2016

Dear Julie:

I am a 20 year old woman seeking for a better relationship with God. But let me back up. I come from a really emotionally abusive childhood, which made me become totally withdrawn from people and relationships. I only got caught up in “relations” that would eventually fail because they would leave me or play me so I would eventually move on.

When I first decided to try a relationship with a man, I went in having no clue about how a relationship should be built on God, trust, honesty,self-worth, and being each other’s equal. The man I was with did not lead the way God intends a man to lead…he would talk to other other women, flirt with them promiscuously, and see them every now and then. He even one time in-boxed 2 very good friends of mine…implying having sexual relations with her! Broke my heart terribly and I never got over it…long story short, we had a messy break up ..and I feel because I never got exposed to real love, it has affected me……

I met someone new right after we broke up, and he wasn’t the easiest nut to crack, but eventually he opened up to me. He is very intelligent, but he recently got out of a 9 year relationship with his children’s mother. Till this day I know he still has feelings for her no matter how much he denies it….

I am now expecting my first child by him and I’m wondering if I am being taken advantage of… I give him all I can and everything possible.. Because that’s just my nature… But because he has no place to stay, he is staying at some other women’s house yet still depending on me.

I feel like I’m lowering my standards because that was not our initial plan. He’s not a bad person and there are times when he’s taken care of me to the fullest, but the situation doesn’t seem right. I want to let go and let God. If I mean anything to this man or its meant to be, we will return later.

I honestly just want to fix my life and spirit, and have a good man by my side. Independent women get lonely too…I have a lot of love for him..but I know his love for me isn’t the same as I have for him….when I try to cut things down a little from allowing myself to get hurt, it seems like he just draws me back in..and its like a roller coaster… I love him very much and want to continue to grow but I’m just confused… He is 25 and I’ll be 21. -Wanting to Grow


Dear Wanting to Grow:

You’ve said many good things here, the best being that you want a better relationship with God. And I understand that is difficult for persons who have come from dysfunctional homes, people who haven’t had loving fathers as role models. To many abused persons, God seems distant and uninvolved or cruel and angry.

This just isn’t so of the God I know. He cares and is very involved in the lives of His children. He wants the best for each of us and He shows us that love in the way He is forever working all things together for our good. Even the bad things.

You know that you want a good man by your side and, as you said, “a relationship … built on God, trust, honesty, self-worth, and being each other’s equal.” God has placed this desire in your heart even though you really haven’t experienced this kind of love.

You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’ll want to spend it with the right life partner. Honestly, from what you’ve said, I don’t believe this man is that right life partner.

To you I would say to spend time reading your Bible and praying for God to reveal to you the qualities you should be looking for in a HUSBAND. Read I Corinthians 13:4-7 as well as Psalm 112 for example. And while you’re learning about the ideal man, read Scripture about the ideal woman, such as in Proverbs 31, so that you will attract the kind of man you’re looking for.

When you meet someone who appears to have the qualities you’re looking for, get to know him as a friend. Grow to care about him and eventually to love him.

Hang in there until you find the right fellow, one who will put that ring on your finger and, in front of God and witnesses, vow to love you forever.

God bless,


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

Leave a Reply