Weak and Confused

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

July 26, 2016

Dear Julie,

A few months ago I met a man I thought was perfect. We started out as good friends. I enjoyed our conversations and just being in his company for the most part. While still getting to know one another, I felt as if he was trying to rush or force a relationship on me so I would constantly let him know that I would rather take it easy. After the heartache, settling, rushing in previous relationships I knew I had to go into something new much slower….

Not long after, I found out I was pregnant. My feelings were mixed. I was scared, nervous, and excited. My only problem was I became pregnant by a man that I was still getting to know. We didn’t know one another very well and a baby was a BIG deal for someone I was not committed to.

Well I gained the courage to tell him I was pregnant and he was excited about the baby. But he and I were still not together. Not many people knew of our dealings, not even my family, until I had to tell them I was pregnant. They were excited and wanted to meet him. We live in Georgia and my family is in Louisiana.

So maybe 2 more months pass, and I’m 4 months into my pregnancy and the ongoing drama between us was getting out of control. He told me on one occasion he don’t want anything to do with me & to just contact him when the baby is born. He would block me from his phone for weeks at a time then contact me to make it work. He did this so many times to the point in which I am drained. I was going to give this a try for our child’s sake, but he is emotionally unstable to me. He cannot control his emotions. A simple disagreement causes him to not contact me or check on the baby.  As i sit here 7 months pregnant, he cut ties with me once again over simple disagreements. He blocked me from his phone once again and it could be a month or so before he contacts me again.

This is so unhealthy for myself and my unborn baby girl. My family planned on meeting him for the first time and he is gone once again. I felt so alone this entire pregnancy. I think it is unfair for him to be able to come and go as he pleases.

This is my first child and I should be so happy, but I’m not sometimes. I asked God to please give me a healthy child and I promise to provide for her the best way I can. He knows it’s close to my delivery and my child still needs things, but here I am lost and wondering how and if I will be able to provide for my own child. This is hard when support is limited. I tried to make things better for us and gain a better relationship with him for the baby, but he is gone again and I have no clue when he will pop up!

I know God loves me, but I feel like I’m watching my world fall apart. I am hopeless when i wake up, but my baby girl’s kicks remind me that I have to keep going. I pray but I’m falling apart at the same time. I don’t want God not to give her to me because she was created out of wedlock. I love my child, I just want the best for her & the thought of having a father around (only when he chooses) hurts me everyday. I’m trying to understand what God is doing right now. I’m so weak and confused.


Dear Weak and Confused :

You are right to feel the way you do about this man. Sounds like he is emotionally unstable and not the man for you or your child. And learn from this, dear one. Many men will tell you whatever you want to hear, all the while looking for opportunities to get what they want from you. Stay strong and do not give in!

Thankfully, you have family to help you as the baby’s birth date draws near. Even though you live in a different state, lean on them as much as possible.  Also I’d encourage you to visit your local pregnancy resource center. They can help with your material needs and also give you emotional support, classes on parenting, etc.

For spiritual encouragement I’d advise you to get plugged into a good Christian church or Bible study. You say you’re trying to understand what God is doing right now. My guess is He is probably sad. He never intended for you to be alone like this, never intended for your baby to be born into all this drama. He instituted marriage to protect women and children.

God would like nothing better than for you to turn to him for your needs. He is the one you need right now. Call out to him, read his love letter to you, the Bible. In it he shows you the way to true happiness. And see your baby as the blessing she is. She will need all the love and care you can give her.

God bless,


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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