Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

June 10, 2016

Dear Julie,

I have never been so heartbroken in my life. I got engaged to who I thought was the love of my life in July and we were SO happy. He was the person I had dreamed about and a person I could imagine spending my whole life with. We got some criticism when we got engaged because we are young, but we didn’t care because we were so in love. We had our whole lives ahead of us and as long as we were together, all would be well.

Well, this past November, something changed. I didn’t know what or why. My fiancé and I got into an argument about something small and it’s like a switch went off in him. He talked to me so horribly, cursing at me and belittling me. I was so shocked and taken back, I just didn’t know what to do. And then it’s like from that point on, his whole personality was different. Every weekend after that, I found myself crying for some reason or another. He was different and I didn’t know why. I wondered if it was something I did and I asked him numerous times what was wrong and he always told me nothing, that that’s just him. Now, there were good moments between the bad, but for the most part, I was miserable with this new version of the person I loved.

But I kept holding on, hoping that whatever this was would go away and I’d have he old him back. And it did start to get better about 3 weeks ago. I was so happy because I thought he was finally becoming his old self again. Then, one night last week he decided to “be honest with me about something”. He had been doing drugs and lying to me about it. I knew he had done drugs before I met him, but after we got together, he was really turning his life around and was doing good.

I had told him numerous times throughout the course of our relationship that if I found out he ever started doing drugs again, I would break up with him. That is the main reason it hurt so bad, because he was obviously choosing the drugs over me because he knew what I would do. So, I broke up with him. At least now I know why his attitude changed, and that it was nothing I did. However, it still hurts more than anything I’ve ever had to deal with because I loved him so much. And I know that I deserve something better than someone who talks down to me and does drugs, but he was that person at one point in time. I keep thinking “well maybe I can sea with that” or “maybe it wasn’t so bad” because I just miss him so much. It just hurts so bad, it’s worse than a death because he’s still here and he chose something else over me.

Just 2 weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live without me or my beautiful smile… Then when I broke up with him, he called me the most filthy names, said he almost broke up with me a bunch of times and wished he had–and good luck finding someone to love me.

How can things change that quickly? I find myself not wanting to put my heart out there ever again or trust anyone anymore because of this. And my heart is broken into so many pieces, I just don’t know if it will ever be the same again. –Broken-hearted


Dear Broken-Hearted:

Thank you for sharing your sad sad story. I imagine it will resonate with many of our readers who also had their hearts broken when drugs came between them and their loved ones.

All I can do is affirm what you’ve done:

1) You told him in advance the consequences he’d face if he did drugs again. Even if he doesn’t recognize it, you did him a favor by sticking to your guns and showing him what self-respect looks like.
2) And, if you are a Christian, you showed him what a Daughter of the King expects in anyone who wants to have a relationship with her.
3) You did not enable him by allowing him to continue a relationship with you in spite of his drug use.
4) You recognize you deserve something better than someone who talks down to you and does drugs.

And I must warn you against letting your heart overrule all of the above. This fellow has shown you his best side and his worst side. I’d say his worst side, under the influence of drugs, is stronger than his best side.

You can do better, dear one, a whole lot better. God bless you, Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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