“Comfort ye, comfort ye my people,” (Isaiah 40:1)

December 12, 2017

Dear Julie:

I’m a young mom of two little girls. I got married at 17 and found it hard to conceive. For our first daughter, the wait was two and a half years, and for the second, the wait was four more years. My ex was really abusive for the first two or three years, but he then turned to going out more, having affairs. He left me for a girl when my firstborn was one. He stayed with her for two weeks before I accepted him back because I believe if you love someone you love them no matter what. It continued this way for four years. When I had my other little girl, she was six months old when he left, this time not coming back.

He got married to this girl and she is now ready to have his first son. I have always suffered by him for not carrying a son. It’s been a year since he left and I can’t go on. I’m so broken and torn. He was my only love. I’ve never had any other boyfriend or lover. He was my life. I carry on only for my girls. It’s so hard and it’s not getting easier.

For the last year he has kept in touch. He says he still loves us and he is going to leave her when the time is right but he is being forced to stay there and he says they are dangerous and he can’t get out. I believed him. But I watched him be with her for the last year. He looks really happy in pictures but he says he has to because they will know he is unhappy. He says this but then doesn’t contact me for weeks and then when he does, he fills me up with so much crap.

But yesterday he contacted me and he asked how the kids were. He said he hopes I am happy and he hopes I find someone who loves me because I deserve it. He said we need closure. I don’t understand. He asked if I love him still. I told him yes and he said I should move on but always come and tell him first. Then I asked him does he love her and he told me yes and told me he will love his son no different than he loves our girls. But he never sees them. My heart is literally broken in pieces. He then texts and rings me all day telling me about his son and then tells me he still loves me. It makes no sense. I can’t get my head off my pillow. I want to sleep and never wake up. –Broken

Dear Broken:

This man is toxic to you. Give him the closure he says you both need and move on with your life. Your girls deserve you 100%. You are their mom, their role model. You wouldn’t wish on them the kind of treatment you’re receiving, would you? Of course not. So show them that you and they are worthy of respect. Show them they shouldn’t ever have to take the kind of abuse you are allowing to happen.

The best way to show them that is to STOP the abuse here and now. Work out visitation rights with your ex, but beyond that have nothing to do with this creep. He is using you, playing on your sympathy, betraying your loyalty. You owe him nothing. Once you have your life back in order, ask God to send a good man, a godly man, into your life. And DO NOT rush into any new relationship. Allow friendship to grow and bloom slowly. Protect your girls from any more drama. (And, for goodness sake, you can have a new relationship without always having to go and tell him first!)

I wish you and your daughters all the very best. God bless, Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, contact me here (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your name or any other identifying information.

Leave a Reply