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Confused

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

July 21, 2017

Dear Julie:

I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months, and at first it was perfect almost. He showed up at my church one day and we were both pretty emotionally broken because I was abused and sexually assaulted by a friend and he’s in the process of a difficult divorce from a woman who’s still emotionally abusive. We said we would take things slow but we both seemed to get attached really fast and ended up kissing even though his divorce isn’t final.

He got really emotional and distant because I wanted him to only talk to me. Then he said he wants to just be friends while he figures out what he wants and wants to talk to other girls to make sure he doesn’t settle down with the wrong person.

I’ve been really hurt by this but I really don’t want to give up on him. I feel like he really cared about me and still does but he’s afraid and doesn’t understand his own feelings after being with one (emotionally abusive) person for 17 years. I feel like he might not even know what love really is, because even after he said he wanted to be friends, he said that I was different, and that he just wanted to be tender and gentle with me, and not hurt me, and that he couldn’t handle losing me in his life.

We have talked about how we know God brought us together for a reason and I still believe that but it really hurts that he talks to other people. I kind of think he does it to make me jealous because that’s what he did with her to get her attention. Am I being stupid for holding onto hope that we will be together? –Confused

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Dear Confused:

I don’t think you’re stupid for holding onto hope that you will be together, but I do think you’d be wise to go back to Plan A when you said you would take things slow.

You are both wounded right now and that’s not a good basis for a healthy relationship. Get healthy first and then you might want to consider a relationship with this person. What you can do now is honor his request to be friends while he figures out what he wants. If you press him into a relationship, he may fear you will become like his ex. That’s the last thing you want him to think of you.

After giving him time to figure out what he wants, he may come back to you and be willing to make you his one and only. If so, great. But if he doesn’t, then you don’t want to risk being hurt by him. He’s being up front with you. I’d suggest you play it fair with him.

God bless you, Julie

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Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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