Confused and Needing Help

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Challenges Women Face

August 2, 2016

Dear Julie:

I have been with my husband for 12 years and going on 10 married. We have done each other wrong over the years. Lying, cheating and abuse. The last 3 years have been the hardest.

We moved to Chicago in November to help my grandmother and he became very distant. By the time February came and I had our son, I found out he cheated on me sexually with someone. Not only that, he also has some type of relationship with my female cousin. We moved four times within a year and the kids went to three different schools. The following winter he was back talking to the girl he slept with while I was pregnant and the following spring I caught him talking with someone else. By this time our one year old was really sick and had to have surgery. My husband went into a rage and vandalized our whole apartment, my stuff and the furniture, but took his stuff with him. I got a restraining order but he was still able to put sugar in my tank two times after that.

So I checked into two different women shelters. Then two months later we got back together and it was the summertime.  By winter I found out he was cheating and I had an STD. Right after that he went to jail.

I dedicated myself to church and have been going faithfully and I need help deciding what to do I feel like he’s never been remorseful or really apologetic to me for majority of these situations although this last time when I had told him I had the STD, he came out and told me a little bit more than usual but I had to force him.

I need help determining if the relationship is salvageable because I still don’t feel like he puts his all into me. I feel like I am second fiddle to the streets and his other goals that he has. He does not spend any time with me or our children. I have to beg him to spend time with me and usually it still does not happen. So I just need some help. I’ve been praying on it and God has revealed to me all the reasons to leave him then I prayed on it again and it seems like God is going to change him so I’m confused and I need help. –Confused and Needing Help


Dear Confused:

Is the relationship salvageable? Only if God gets hold of your husband. Then anything is possible!

However, in the meantime, consider the children. This is not a healthy arrangement for them. They need stability and love. Neglect, abuse, changing schools multiple times–all these things are bad for them. As for yourself, this man has been all sorts of trouble. I’d count myself blessed to be rid of him.

You say you’re getting mixed messages from God and, yes, I know God loves reconciliation and hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). So if you can’t bring yourself to divorce your husband, at least, get legal separation. And don’t take him back until he has PROVED to you he has changed.

God bless, Julie


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

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