Facing Our Challenges Head-On

November 10, 2015

Dear Julie: I have a situation I’m hoping you could address and possibly allow others for their opinions and prayers as well. However I would like to remain anonymous. Well I’ll start by saying I’m 28 years old and I have 3 beautiful children. I married my husband 8 years ago and we have been separated for 5 of those years.

The reasons of the separation ranged from abuse, both mental and physical, and infidelity on his part. He had a child outside of our marriage and that was my breaking point. So anyhow we separated a while ago. Now when we separated the original plan was to take a break for a short time until we were both ready to forgive each other for our mistakes we made simply because I felt we were too young. But eventually we would get back together and things would be better than ever.

During the beginning of our separation I prayed and prayed and fasted and prayed some more for God to heal our marriage but not to long after that I found out that he had gotten the same woman whom he had a child with outside of our marriage pregnant yet again and I eventually gave up. Not to mention our three children were in need and he pretty much stopped seeing them and sending support all together. In fact from the year of 2011 until now he has only seen our kids 8 times and he has only sent a little more than $300 all together in support.

So that left me being a struggling single mother. About 3 years ago I reconnected with an old friend and he and I have been seeing each other since. He came into my life and the lives of my children and has been doing everything that their father never has. He is a great man and I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy but it bothers me so much to still be married to someone else.

I want a divorce but I’m very independent and I don’t feel it’s the other guy’s responsibility to handle the financial part of that but the truth is with being a single parent taking care of three children and a sick parent I really can’t even afford a lawyer. On top of that even though my husband is a total wuss, I still feel like I belong to him. Please help me figure out what I’m supposed to do.


Dear Desperate: I am so on your side! I love that you love your children and that you have given your husband every opportunity to get his act together and be the man his family needs. Sadly, he hasn’t risen to the challenge. In fact, the separation seems to have given him free rein to do whatever he wants, and that does NOT include being responsible to you or the children. You have every reason to conclude that, in his eyes at least, the marriage is over. His sin of adultery also gives you biblical grounds to divorce this man.

I did a quick internet search and found LOTS of divorce lawyers who work pro bono (no fee unless you win). So what have you got to lose? Dump this guy and move on with your life.

As for this old friend, it sounds to me like he has proven he cares deeply for you and your children over the past 3 years. And you say you love him as well. If he is willing to take on the responsibility of the kids, don’t let your independence stand in the way. He knows what he’s taking on–let him be the man he wants to be. And be sure you’re on the same spiritual page because a marriage with God at the center is like a cord of 3 strands–not easily broken. God bless! Julie

Readers, Desperate would like your input as well.


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,
we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.


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