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Feeling Abandoned


Meeting Our Challenges Head-On!

 

January 19, 2016

Dear Julie: Please help me…I am 27 years old and my ex-fiancé and I broke up a few months ago. He is 30 and we’ve been together 4 years. We were set to get married this year and now everything is off. He ended the relationship with me because we had a bad argument and to be honest I said some very hurtful things. He said he was tired of being talked down to and treated like a child.

To rewind a little, he hasn’t been perfect. He’s stepped out and been unfaithful multiple times in the past, even having another child during the course of our time together. BUT, I stuck by him, loved the child like she was my own, and forgave him. We went to counseling and worked through those issues.

The second issue was that He is not very stable in his career or his finances but I’ve been to college, have a degree and am the bread winner to be honest. I have carried us financially practically the whole relationship. We had one car which was mine and anywhere he needed to go I took him because he had no license or car. I worked sometimes 70+ hour work WEEKS just to make ends meet because he wasn’t much help. I love this man and with all of his short comings I accepted him and supported him. And most of all, stood by him.

The one time he gets angry with me, he walks away? Not to mention we just had a baby together last November. I never saw my family being this way. He says he just needs time to get on his feet and that this is just time apart but deep down I feel like he is my husband. I don’t want to put my life on hold just because he’s not ready for marriage but I love him and don’t see myself with anyone else. He is a great guy, he’s funny, an amazing father and he’s like my best friend. It’s just his financial situation that makes our relationship strained.

With all that I’ve done, and had to go through to be with him, I can’t believe he walked away from me after one thing I finally did wrong. It’s like he’s forgotten all the times I’ve been there for him. I have apologized and have said everything I could say. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t give up. My family is on the line. I don’t want my son to be another statistic growing up in a fatherless home. Our wedding was practically paid for. I have my dress and everything. And now poof, it’s done. I just don’t know what to do. Everyone says “you are so much better off without him” but nobody truly knows how I feel. Please help me. –Feeling Abandoned

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Dear Feeling Abandoned: First let me say it’s tempting not to agree with everyone who says “you are so much better off without him.” It seems that you are the one who has been doing all the giving–and I admire your faithfulness to the man you consider to be your husband.

But the truth is he isn’t your husband. As your fiance, he’s come close, but it seems he has landed on this latest argument to find a way to break things off. He says he needs time to get on his feet. And maybe he is right.

Maybe he needs to get out from under your shadow and learn to stand on his own two feet. You have been the stable one, the breadwinner, the chauffeur, almost his mother. For all his good qualities you mentioned, he is nevertheless lacking in maturity as evidenced by his instability in career and financial matters.You, on the other hand, are a diligent person with lots of drive. Perhaps your man doesn’t believe he will ever measure up. Maybe he suspects YOU don’t believe he will ever measure up. (He has said he’s tired of being talked down to and treated like a child.)

There are many successful marriages where the wife has more education or makes more money than her husband. Often that is because she found her career path earlier in life than he did or chose a profession that paid better. What makes a marriage successful is not based on who makes the most money but rather on mutual respect.

As I see it, the best thing you can do for him is let him go. Tell him you believe in him and want him to become all he can be. Then step away. Let him grow up. And you get down on your knees and pray for this man you love. Only God can get through to his heart. Only God can give him the strength and courage to become the man you and your son deserve.

I’m asking our readers to join me in praying for you. This is a difficult situation and you need to be strong. If your fellow is ever going to grow up, you need to step away and let God take over. I pray the end result will bring peace to your heart even if things don’t go the way you hope.
God bless, Julie

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Remember, friends, as challenges come our way,we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

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