Feeling Lonely and Isolated

Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

September 4, 2016

Dear Julie–

I had a very rough upbringing, full of severe abuse and trauma. Even though I have come through it and have overcome so much, thanks be to God who strengthens me, the obstacles never seem to stop coming. The severity of what I went through can make it difficult to relate to others without feeling isolated by the extreme nature of my experience in this life.

While I try to bridge those gaps between my experience and that of others by finding common ground, it is really easy for me to end up feeling envious of their lives filled with children and grandchildren, and then I feel more isolated and lonely. It can be a vicious cycle.

While I do have some family and friends I can rely on for love and support, what I am lacking in my life from the toxic people I am related to, gets blown out of proportion and I end up focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do have. When I see I am doing that, I correct myself, but not always quickly enough to avoid a bad case of the blues.

As a result of this loneliness and isolation, I have allowed (recently) a neighbor woman to take advantage of me for like a year, and I’ve put up with her being quite selfish in our relationship. I learned in my family that the only value I had is in what I could provide for others (the abusers), and though I know in my head I am worth far more than they ever said or thought about me, I can’t figure out why I allow my feelings of isolation to call the shots and coerce me to tolerate lousy behavior from takers. I am not afraid of being alone. –Feeling Lonely and Isolated


Dear Feeling Lonely and Isolated:

You are obviously an intelligent and perceptive human being and it is a tragic thing that God’s many gifts to you have been derailed by cruel and toxic abusers. I’m certain that you see how unfair this is, but do you also see how unnecessary it is?

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I want to challenge you to stop letting this happen. They were wrong. They were mean. Look at what happened to you through adult eyes. You were a little girl and you submitted to their cruelty because, after all, what else could you do?

But now you are an adult woman, and you have the power to crush under your heel devilish attacks and to move on, in the strength and power of Jesus. Do as the apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

My dear friend, do not permit anyone to coerce you “to tolerate lousy behavior from takers.” You are an adult woman, with a mandate to be a good steward of your time, your goods, your love. Love even your enemies but do not permit them to dissuade you from the good works God has ordained in advance for you to do.

I think when you take back control of your life, you’ll realize you have great joy bubbling inside of you just waiting for a means of escape. Don’t let others rob you of your joy. Be free in Christ to be who he made you to be.

Sending blessings,


Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

Leave a Reply