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Ready to Love

 Facing our challenges head-on!
Challenges Women Face

September 6, 2016

Dear Julie:

I’m 39 and a single mother of two beautiful daughters,17 and 15. I come from a very broken home,my father was an alcoholic and my mother took a lot of physical and mental abuse. At the age of nine I was touched by an uncle on my dad’s side.I told my mom and she told me not to tell my father because she didn’t want to upset him or have him do anything stupid. I had two parents living in a home but felt very alone. I witnessed a lot of abuse in my house.

As much as i try to forget, the memories still are in my mind. I had to grow up really fast. I was very promiscuous by the age of 15 longing for love. I had enough at home so i left at the age 17. My mother was very hurt but i just couldn’t take it anymore. I quit school in 11th grade living from place to place. One night i went with a friend to meet a guy she was talking to at a truck stop. I stayed in his truck with his partner and he raped me brutally. I can remember laying there just crying for him to please stop. I told my friend the next morning when she came to get me, but  was too ashamed to tell anyone else. All i wanted was to tell my father, for him to just hold me and to give me the feeling of being safe and secure, but that never happened. I eventually told my mom and she was very hurt that I went through that–but again told me not to tell my father.

All the secrets i have had to keep growing up so i didn’t upset my father or make it harder on my mother. I always questioned did I matter? At the age of 23 i had my first child and shortly after that my second . . . two beautiful daughters by two different men. I didn’t know how to be a mother and till this day I’m still learning. I was very promiscuous through all this just using sex, alcohol as a way to cope and deal with all my pain.

When I was 32 I tried the dating sites on the internet,still so desperate for love. I met a guy talked to him for about 9 months and visited him in North Carolina. I was at a party and was given the date rape drug. I woke up in a room with bruises all over me. Till this day i don’t know what truly happened but I know in my heart something happened. I’ve come a long ways and by the grace of God I’m still standing and alive.

I love my girls so much and I know I’ve hurt them not being the kind of mother that was there emotionally for them. I’ve learned how to be better through everything I’ve gone through. I’m still very hurt by my mother and my father. My parents divorced for 10 years and remarried. My father is clean and has a relationship with God. I’ve recently told myself it was time for me to start the healing process,and i think self love is the hardest thing ever. I’m really trying to move forward, to let go and let God, but I even question if God hears my cries. I have lost 70 pounds and on the outside I’m starting to feel good, but on the inside I’m so hurt. I just want to forgive myself and forgive my parents. Please pray for me because I’m ready to love myself and know my worth. Thank you and God bless. –Ready to Love
*****
Dear Ready to Love:

Your story is painful, but it was good you were able to sit down and write it. Sometimes even the act of documenting pain can have a healing effect.

In your case, you have been wronged by all the people you should have been able to trust. And they will have to answer to God for that.

As for you, you can do several things to help the healing process.

You can go back over what you’ve written and, in God’s strength and by his grace, you can forgive each of these people (even those who haven’t asked for forgiveness, even those who surely don’t deserve forgiveness). In so doing, you will release the painful hold they have on you. From then on, when you remember painful events of the past, you can remember this: they’ve been dealt with.

You can also choose to bury the past and focus on the present and future. You have those two beautiful daughters who need a mom to direct them, to guide them away from at-risk behaviors. Ask their forgiveness for not being the mom you wish you had been. Help them see the folly of allowing sex and alcohol as a way to cope with pain and, therefore, making things worse.

You can get yourself and the girls into Christian family counseling. In nearly every city, there are centers where you can speak with Christian counselors for a reduced fee or sliding scale if money is an issue.

Most importantly, you can commit yourself 100% to following the Good Shepherd in paths of righteousness (Psalm 23) for his name’s sake. Learn to live for Him, learn to live for others.

Though your past was brutally painful, your future can be glorious if you just hang out with the right Man, that Man being God. Now that your dad is a believer, pray about whether you should tell him what happened during your life. Ask God to guide you in this matter.

May God bless and keep you.
Julie

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Remember, friends, as challenges come our way, we can face them head-on
through Christ who strengthens us!

If you wish Bible-based advice for a challenge you face, leave a message in the Contact Me box (NOT below in the Comment box) and I’ll answer confidentially on this page. No one will see your photo or name or any other identifying information.

2 Responsesto “Ready to Love”

  1. Ida Smith says:

    My heart breaks for this woman and the many, many others like her that have been treated the exact opposite of what our loving Father wants. I’ve recently finished a study by Ted Dekker, called “The Forgotten Way.” In it Ted reminds us through God’s word the truth about our Heavenly Father, who we are in Him, and how the realization of God’s love for us can change us.
    I pray that this dear sister and others like her can experience the fullness of God’s love for them and know that they are “His Daughters,” precious and beautiful, and whole in His sight.

  2. Julie Admin says:

    Thank you, Ida, for your comment and for the recommendation. Thanks, too, for your prayers on behalf of our sisters in Christ. We all need the reminder that we are “His Daughters,” precious and beautiful, and whole in His sight. God bless you, Julie

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